Push/Pull

One of the ways we demonstrate our emotional intelligence is with others is by knowing when to Push and when to Pull. We need to to do both, but we might find one more natural than the other.

Years ago, I was leading a team that was apprehensive about sharing their opinions/ideas during our brainstorming sessions. I approached one of the team members individually and asked them why they were so quiet during the meetings. They gave me some valuable feedback. They said, "I don't speak up in our meetings because it feels like you have already made up your mind about what we should do. My opinion doesn't matter." Ouch! What my colleague was sharing with me was that they felt pushed out of, rather than pulled into the conversation.

At the time, I was unaware of how my tendency to push was limiting our team's collective potential. Unfortunately, this tendency resulted in others becoming less excited, and consequently, lowering their volume to complete silence. If we want the people around us to feel heard we need to give them the opportunity to speak first. Letting others speak first will strengthen our influence with our team members. And, when we do need to push, others will be more likely to listen.